The time Mum used Jesus to trick me into dieting

So the day before lent salad was made and taken to uni as a tester. By 4pm I’d started considering the pros and cons of cannibalism. I’m not saying it’s similar to being nailed on a cross but there was definitely struggle involved.

This has not been my week. I know it’s only Wednesday but I’ve decided. I made the mistake of telling my mum, now that summer holidays are over that I’d like to get back to the gym and start eating healthier to help me get back into the Uni routine. Usually, she would’ve ignored the comment and binged on pudding with me. Except mother dearest went to church on Sunday, probably to pray for my soul and realised it’s the start of Lent this week.

So her response was not the usual “Pudding?” but rather “Yes! We’re giving up carbs for lent!” Um no. You may think, meh so you give up pasta? A little bit of bread? What’s the big deal? The big deal is that I’m the unofficial spokesperson for Rice. That’s the big deal. Furthermore, I don’t believe Green vegetables are a real food. I think they look like green, alien, old women fingers. Except for Cucumber, cucumber is aiite. My mum tried to convince me it wasn’t that bad that we need could take salads and tuna cans for lunch instead of sandwiches? Also not looking good.

So the day before lent salad was made and taken to uni as a tester. By 4 pm I’d started considering the pros and cons of cannibalism. I’m not saying it’s similar to being nailed to a cross but there was definitely struggle involved. I’m back on carbs by the way… cannibalism is frowned upon. It’s multigrain now though so the struggle continues. Hats off to those of you that partake in ‘Living below the line’. Just one question – How?

On my first day back at class, I went an hour too early for my Media, Gender and Politics paper and instead into a first year engineering lecture that was in the same room. I sat there for a solid 5 minutes impressed with the ratio of boys in my class, gutted that they looked SO young and thought perhaps my paper was a Gen Ed. Nope Just me. I realised when the two twelve-year-olds next to me took out their course books and then proceeded to gather my things, make a stressed look at my phone and hurry out of class. Hopefully, they think I had an emergency…that required me to drop out of first year engineering…and into the Media paper an hour after…

After said awkward paper I got onto a bus that was rather full, which usually isn’t a problem, except this one was very old school and only had the hand rails above your head. I’m just going to put it out there, those chairs at the front of buses? Aside from Pregnant women, the elderly and disabled they should also include the vertically challenged because for 30minutes I was on the set of a very monotonous hunger games. I was not Katniss. I was the partner that she’s taller than. It makes sense because I was also hungry.

On the bright side, I have learnt a lot about myself. 1) If you feed me I will be happy 2) I really need to work on my fear of vegetables 3) I really love cucumber.

Ah, life.

Xx

HANGRY

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