Tragic experiences with boys – Part 1 of many

Picture a brown Lorde performing at the Grammy awards, with the alty hand movements and crazy eyes but without the singing, in a normal conversation. Yea. That sort of sums up my attempt at flirting.

To whom it may concern,

I don’t consider myself a shy person – I doubt many do. However when it comes to the department of the gentlemen, whoa buddy. No words.

Picture a brown Lorde performing at the Grammy awards, with the alty hand movements and crazy eyes but without the singing, in a normal conversation. Yea. That sort of sums up my attempt at flirting.

In my defense I never really had to deal with the “dating” situation at school. My first boyfriend asked me out in year 11 and he’d known me since I was 12 – he knew I was weird before we started going out. Luckily for me, he put up with my weirdness till University. Someone give that boy a medal. Let’s just say it’s a good thing he had a strong sense of humour.

After 12 years of being in an all-girl environment, Uni was probably not the best time to figure out how to talk to lads. It also doesn’t help that I’m almost always oblivious to most social cues but also somehow manage to over-think EVERYTHING.

So one day when a lovely guy and I decided to watch a movie I was understandably very nervous.

1) I didn’t know the guy very well at all so he definitely wasn’t aware of how totally cool I am and frankly wasn’t sure if he could handle it (not even a little sarcastic). 2) Not everyone really “gets me” – a fact I constantly forget. 3) The word “date” was never used – STRESS OF MY LIFE. 4) He is definitely a lot smarter than I am + the chances of me saying something stupid are high = maybe I shouldn’t speak?

I was so incredibly nervous that to this day I have no recollection of anything I said on the actual date/not date/was it a date? Seriously guys what the hell was it…

All I know is it probably wasn’t good.

The one part I do remember was the car slowing down and my attempt at being “cute”. He’d been telling me about how he’d had his first lot of patients that day and how they’d all been rather depressing (Yea he’s studying to be a Doc…see what I mean about smart).

What I meant to say was  ”I had fun! *Hair flick* I hope you have better luck with your future patients *cheeky grin* “. And then he’d be like “damn. This girl has some great listening skills and I really appreciate that cheeky grin”

What came out of my mouth was: “thanks for the ride, Good luck for your future” *exits car* and he was probably like “wtf?”

So that happened. I’m just going to stop, fulfill my Father’s dream of me becoming a lesbian Nun (He doesn’t trust boys, he thinks they’re ALL trying to do the horizontal tango with me…little does he know) and just save everyone the trouble of having to deal with me. Except for the lesbian nun population, which I feel, would be very small, so no harm done.

Always yours,

Tragedy.

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