Me too.

To whom it may concern,

When I was twenty-one I let a boy stay in my bed. I needed a ride to the airport the next morning and I considered him one of my best friends. He was dating my best friend. We stayed up talking and watching a movie and then said goodnight. I closed my eyes.

A minute later I opened my eyes. My “friend” was running his hand over the duvet. His hand moved from over my waist, down to my hips where it roamed for a while. I froze. It stopped. Then he did it again. I moved away from him, pretending to be asleep. It stopped for good.

The next morning I woke up, I didn’t know what to say so I pretended nothing had happened. He dropped me off at the airport, hugged me goodbye. I wasn’t sure if I’d be returning to Auckland so he hugged me again for extra measure.

When I came back to Auckland I told my best friend what her boyfriend had done. She confronted him, he swore he must have done it in his sleep and that was the end of that. He tried to apologise but I didn’t want to be anywhere near him. When he sat at the table at lunch, I would leave. One friend followed.

He was still invited to all the same parties, he had a seat at the table.

A guy who knew us both well told me “I know he’s lied in the past but it’s too hard for me to believe he did this. I have to believe he was asleep.”

A little while later this “friend” did the same thing to another person. This time the girl drunk and alone in a room, trying to get some sleep. He whispered in her ear that he wanted to “f**k” her so bad. He told the boys as he walked out of the room that they’d hooked up. He still had a girlfriend.

I told his girlfriend that by ignoring two people with the same story she was making a fool of me, our friend and herself. Through tears and what must have been enormous heartache, she broke up with the one who betrayed us.

He was still invited to the same parties, he had a seat at the table.

There was no avoiding him. I had to pretend I didn’t want to cry every time I saw him. I had to have conversations with him because everyone else was still hanging out with him and I felt I was being a bummer. I reconciled, it could have been worse, he never touched my body, it was over the duvet, maybe he was asleep 30 seconds after he closed his eyes and you were the one who let him into your bed so technically it’s your fault.

Eventually, he had to leave Auckland for work. At the last party we attended, he asked for one last hug, “for old times sake.”
It’s been years and I will never forget that spine-chilling hug.

I’ve moved back to Auckland after 2 years. I was invited to a BYO this weekend.

He is still invited to the same parties. He still has a seat at the table.

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