To whom it may concern,
It’s been a month since I’ve returned to Christchurch and the hunt for a weekend job continues. Thankfully since my previous post, I’ve had nothing short of miracles come through to sustain my eating habits. I’ve started freelancing and getting paid for my writing which is super exciting! and I don’t want to brag but I will shortly be the presenter for the introduction to learning services video at my school despite never having used the learning services.
However, after having done the cv drop in my neighbourhood I was feeling a tad glum when I hadn’t heard back from anyone. Until I received a call a couple of weeks ago from my local Lululemon. Why apply at Lululemon you ask? because their store smells delicious and the irony of me working at an athletic wear store is too good an opportunity to pass up.
The call came at an awkward time, a minute before I was to donate blood. So when the manager introduced herself to me I apologised in advance, “I’m sorry if I have to cut this call short, I’m just about to give blood – I mean donate it, I’m not just giving my blood away”. Now there’s an opening sentence that won’t freak people out.
Surely deterred, she invited me for a group interview.
Manager: “Yeah! come ready to get a bit sweaty…”
Manager: “We’ll have a trainer there who will take you through an HIIT (High-intensity, interval training) workout before your interview.
Me: “Oh great, my two favourite things”
Already regretting my decision I was assured by my friends that I would be fine. I was not. Wearing borrowed Lululemon gear, which was ridiculously comfortable might I add, I walked to my interview – my heart in my throat.
I was greeted by a ridiculously tall and good looking man and his equally good-looking partner. Matt and Whitney are part of the HIIT Squad; they are Zuu instructors – where all the exercises mimic the actions of animals: bear crawls, monkey squats etcetera. They’re a level of good looking and fit that you hate in people but you can’t hate Matt and Whitney because they’re also so damn nice. My brain was confused and angry.
There were four other applicants who all looked like they knew their organic greengrocer by name, y’know? Matt asked if the team generally kept active to which one applicant said “yeah I run marathons, got a tournament coming up in Hamilton”, another said she is a rower and rowing instructor, one was a swimmer and dancer and the other had previously worked at Lululemon and was very into yoga. I remained silent because the only marathon I’d ever competed in involved a record amount of caramel mallows I’d eaten 30minutes prior to my interview.
Five minutes into the workout, what was meant to be a team-building exercise became an ‘encourage Keth’ one. It was clear I was the weakest link. The workout was killer, I know because it was on Tuesday and I’ve only just recovered the use of my right arm today, three days later, for the sake of this blog. There were many high 5s between rounds and despite me suspecting my lungs were going to collapse, an all-around positive experience. One that I wanted to end swiftly.
I thought if by some miracle I get this job I am going to take a ‘before’ photo. The hilarious part was yet to come. During the group interview, we were asked to share why we wanted to work at Lululemon. Again, the other applicants had been encouraged to be there by their yoga instructors, or love the active wear, “I live in active wear and I sometimes sleep in it” said one. The hoax was up, there was no point in lying about me living in active wear – this was clearly my first real workout in a long time. Maybe because I was light headed from the workout but I’m almost certain I said, a friend of mine previously worked at Lulu and when she started hanging out with her workmates her Instagram got really good because they went on cool hikes. Yeah. That was my legitimate answer. I didn’t even want to hire me by the end of that session.
I heard back from the manager today and she was sweet enough to blame my unsuccessful application on my lack of availability during the week. Maybe I should learn my lesson and stick with jobs that require my skillset, which is flexible but probably not enough to include the title of an athlete. Then again, who gets anywhere by doing things within their comfort zone.